I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
