I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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