Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
