I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
