either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
