Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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