I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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