...so i touched it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
