Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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