Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
