it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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