I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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