how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
