yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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