I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
