my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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