last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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