so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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