one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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