If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wear drunk well.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
