Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
