96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
