I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
