I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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