My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
