I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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