I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish you could order shots online.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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