Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
