you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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