So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
