I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
