He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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