I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
