Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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