she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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