Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
