hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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