I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
