She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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