I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
