my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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