Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize