I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
too bad you live with your parents still
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm at about main and main street
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
