i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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