Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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