I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
