I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
