You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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