so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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