Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
