you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
